


Brain Bleed

by Ultraviolet_Sodapop



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Disabled Character, Engagement, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Jaal is best boyfriend, M/M, Medical Procedures, My babies are gonna get married, Phthalo is a bit of a crybaby, Physical Therapy, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sappy Ending, Slice of Life, mentions of past trauma, only a little one, ptsd episode, stroke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28924374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultraviolet_Sodapop/pseuds/Ultraviolet_Sodapop
Summary: After a hard day of being the Pathfinder, Phthalo Ryder is struck with a headache, which was no big deal.Or so he thought.
Relationships: Jaal Ama Darav/Male Ryder | Scott, Vetra Nyx/Female Ryder | Sara
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	1. Flashbacks and Lilacs

It had been a long day.

Phthal, Vetra and Jaal had spent the entire day helping out around Eos, mainly clearing out little camps of Kett or any hostile wildlife that was getting to close for comfort. It wasn’t back breaking work by any means but it definitely did take a long time as Kett camps were more sparse and spread out now. Normally Phthalo would be jumping at the opportunity to drive all over the sandy dunes, loving the small time he was allowed to be reckless and drive to fast or skid over rocks. Having a terrible habit of driving straight off cliff faces and surfing down the sides after finding out the Nomad could survive falling from extreme hights. He wasn’t allowed to drive back in the Milky Way on account of his prosthetic legs so he took full advantage of tearing ass across planets with no rules of the road yet. 

Until earlier in the day a seemingly innocent headache began forming, starting in the back of his head and slowly creeping up behind his eyes. Phthalo chalked it up to the heat, standing out in the sun all day and going from one battle into the next would take its toll on anyone. But as the sun began to set and the day slowed down, the headache only got worse. His eyes felt to big for their sockets and nausea settled deep in his stomach, suddenly all the rocking and bumps he lived for while driving made Phthalo want to curl up and cry. Phthalo swallowed thickly and tried to push past the pain, they weren’t that far away from Prodromos which meant they weren’t that far from the tempest. If he could just make it to the ship then he could get meds from Lexi and cuddle with Jaal until he feel asleep. Maybe Jaal would even braid his long hair, he loved when Jaal braided his hair.

Jaal and Vetra were currently relaxing in the back seats and chatting away about family, Vetra telling an endearing story about Sid when she was younger. Jaal was chuckling and exchanging his own stories, Phthalo normally loved to hear Jaal’s laugh as it made even the worst situations amazing. Although right now that laugh bubbling up from his boyfriend was like knives stabbing straight through his head and into the back of his skull, scraping the bone over and over. It was torture, why was his body turning the most wonderful noise in the world into a weapon to use against him? The pain was making it a struggle to focus, the sun setting caused the rocks jutting out of the sand suddenly hard to see and in the process of his brain turning to mush, Phthalo forgot the headlights were a thing he could use.

It came out of nowhere. A rock maybe only a foot shorter than Ryder hit the wheel, causing the Nomad to bounce and shake for what felt like a eternity but in reality was only a mere moment. They had hit things way worse than a simple rock and Phthalo never batted an eye, but that was the final straw that broke the camel’s back. Slamming on the breaks as a tsunami of nausea crashed into him, using all his power to not to vomit bile onto the stearin wheel, his whole body breaking out in a cold sweat.

“Ryder, are you alright?” Jaal asked, leaning over the front seat to look at their Pathfinder.

Phthalo squeezed his eyes shut and tried to collect himself, not trusting himself to talk in fear he would loose the lunch he was trying so hard to keep down. After a moment he gently waved his hand over his shoulder, a small gesture to try and ease the worry Phthalo knew was on their faces.

“Uh yeah-“ he gave a half hearted laugh “All this driving is stirring me up like crazy, little nauseous is all.” 

Phthalo hated lying, he hated it so much but he didn’t want them to worry over him. He got headaches all the time! This was just a bad storm, he would be fine. But his strained voice let off more than he wanted to. Not only did he hate lying, he was bad at it.

“Well then let me take over until we get back to the Tempest. We need our Pathfinder in tip top shape.” Vetra stared at Phthalo with soft eyes “You can take my seat in the back and cuddle with Jaal, or do whatever people do when they are in love. Just keep it in your pants.”

Ryder laughed though his nose, trying to ignore how booming Vetra’s voice sounded in his ears. Turning the Nomad off he exited the vehicle, gripping onto the door like a vice so he wouldnt crumple onto the sand, finding it extraordinary hard to stand. What little was left of the setting sun’s light felt like needles puncturing his eyes, but the cool air was a welcome feeling. Vetra crawled out of the back seat, her feet hitting the sand, normally the soft sand would barely make a noise but right now it sounded as if a thousand war drums were being hit right next to his ears. It made him flinch, he sudden movement only causing more nausea. Vetra had obvious worry painted across her face as she places hand on Phthalo’s back

“Are you sure you are okay? You’re more pale than usual, and you blend in with snow.” Vetra asked softly, but once again Ryder waved her off.

“I’m good. Just trying not to puke on you.” He said simply, which was very true.

He could tell Vetra wasn’t really buying his “all good” bullshit, to be fair Phthalo wasn’t really buying it either, but Vetra just nodded and climbed in the front seat. Phthalo used all his strength to get back into the Nomad, it felt like his body was suddenly a thousand pounds but he pushed through, at least until he slumped into the back seat. The door closed behind him and the Nomad roared to life, normally engine was barely even a blip to him but now Ryder could hear every little noise it made and it all sounded _so. fucking. loud._ Tears welled behind his closed eyes and he saught comfort in Jaal’s open arms, crawling into his lap like an injured animal and buried his face under the Rofjinn on Jaal’s chest.

Jaal gently wrapped his arms around Phthalo’s form, feeling him shaking like a leaf. It sent a pang of worry though the Angaran, Phthalo’s had lots of ailments but the most common were headaches. It seemed like when they first met it Ryder got a head splitter every week and sometimes even twice a week, they had slowed down over time but whenever they did flare back up it was always bad. Jaal slowly ran his hand over Phthalo’s back to try and comfort him, placing a loving kiss on his head.

“Another color storm? You haven’t had one in a while.” Jaal asked, his voice quite and warm

The fraise made him smile ever so slightly. Color storms, a term coined from the translator not being able to fully translate what Jaal said to him all those months ago, Phthalo remembered the first time he heard it. 

*****

_It was late. Most of the crew had went to bed ages ago but here Phthalo was, wide awake staring at the ceiling of room. His head pulsed fiercely with no sign of stopping, not even the migraine medication Lexi had graciously given him wasn’t cutting though the pain. Phthalo had been tossing and turning for hours trying to find relief in sleep but it just wouldn’t come, after finally giving up he just laid on his back._

“ _SAM, how long have I been laying here?” Phthalo asked, the dead air in his room heavy in his lungs_

_“Four hours Pathfinder.” SAM states, his unwavering voice the only small comfort he was feeling right now “Should I alert Lexi?”_

_“No, no. Just because I can’t sleep doesn’t mean I can steal hers, that woman works so hard just let her rest.” Phthalo sighs, grimacing at a particularly sharp throb._

_It wasn’t until he started talking that he realized how thirsty he was, his dry throat sticking together with every swallow. He wasn’t going to fall asleep anytime soon so there was no reason he couldn’t go get water, pushing his palms into the mattress Phthalo got himself into a sitting position whith a groan. Tossing the blankets to the side he gazes down at his legs, the stars outside casting soft light that caught on the raised shiny scars twisting up his knees like thorny vines._

_Quickly tearing his gaze away from the scars he shuffled to the edge of the bed and placed his hand on the prosthetics waiting there for him. Phthalo had multiple pairs of prosthetic legs, mainly because each was built to traverse different environments, the pair Phthalo used most often he lovingly called Julienne as Olive once told him they looked like thin french fries. Julienne was the pair that resembled human legs the most, although thin they were almost completely made of smooth titanium. While he could technically sleep with them on, Julienne had a tendency to catch and rip holes in blankets and sheets._

_With a sigh Phthalo began to put his prosthetics on, twisting them into place with a click. After they amputated his legs they had imbedded a rod into what was left of his tibia that would extend out of his skin to connect to the prosthetic legs. After he had both legs on Phthalo got to his feet, feeling like a boat rocking side to side on sloshing water. Blinking a few times before he started to shuffle towards the other side of the room, using the wall as a crutch whenever he could. Once making it to the door Phthalo halted, his tired eyes trained on the blinking lock in the middle of it, it spun for a moment before the doors opened with a soft hiss. Right now that soft hiss sounded like shattering glass in his ears, high and twangy, making him want to flinch away and gag at the same time._

_The corridor in front of him was dark, the ship in night mode meant all lights were dimmed and that was a sight for sore eyes, literally. Thankfully the kitchen was right to his quarters, taking a deep breath Phthalo stepped out of the room and into the silent hall that seemed endless in front of him. Phthalo wrapped his and around the latter to his left, waiting until the galley door was open to slingshot his body weight towards the kitchen with the help of the metal bars. Feeling like he was wading through concrete and fighting seven wars within his head Phthalo trudged to the sink, reaching up to pull open the cupboard but it wouldn’t budge._

_Because they were on a ship that zipped all through space and entered atmospheres offen their cupboards had to withstand a lot of force, meaning very strong magnets kept them shut. it usually wasn’t an issue and a strong enough tug would open them with no problem, but right now Phthalo was trying to use all his strength to stay standing. Tears stung his dry eyes as he glared angrily at the cabinets, Phthalo couldn’t believe that he, the Pathfinder saving the whole galaxy, was going to cry over cups. Fighting back the tears as he knew they would only make his headache worse he glanced around, spotting Cora’s personal coffee cup sitting on the counter._

_Cora made it very clear that no one was to use her cup unless someone was going to die, but Phthalo was pretty sure he was going to die right now if he didn’t drink some water, He would wash the mug and send Cora credits later as an apology. Phthalo grabbed the mug and held it under the faucet, turning on the water and watched it fill the mug until the water was almost spilling over the brim. Shutting off the stream Phthalo brought the cup to his chapped lips, drinking down the frigid liquid like it was the last thing he was ever going to do. It was gone within seconds and Phthalo took in a deep breath before setting the mug back down in the sink, the headache still had its teeth sink deep in him of course but drinking the bit of water did make him feel the slightest bit better_

_“Pathfinder, drinking cold water is bad for you. It can shock the body, slowing down digestion as blood vessels constrict and hinders the process of absorbing nutrie-“_

_“SAM just let a man die in peace.” Phthalo cut off the AI and made his way over to the booth behind him, slumping into the seat and letting his forehead rest against the cool metal of the table_

_“I can assure you that you are not dying, Pathfinder.” SAM spoke back on their privet channel, his tone the same as always._

_“I was being facetious!” Phthalo whined, turning so his cheek was pressed into the table “SAM, I love you but please leave me alone for a bit...”_

_“Of course, Pathfinder.” SAM said, letting the room fall into silence._

_Or relative silence. Phthalo’s heart beat was thundering in his ears, loud but constant and annoying. He would cover his ears but it would be a pointless battle, instead he just sighed and tried to ignore it. Maybe Phthalo could fall asleep here, might be a problem when everyone wakes up and comes in for breakfast but Drack could crumple him up and toss him somewhere else if needed. Phthalo laid still for a while as he slowly felt himself drift into sleep, scared if he moved he would scare the sleep off._

_“Ryder? Are you alright?”_

_The voice startled Phthalo, causing him to snap his eyes open and try to stand up suddenly, forgetting the table. His thighs slammed into the metal surface and knocked over an assortment of items that sat atop it, causing just the most amount of noise. Phthalo winced at the pain of hitting the table but more at how much noise he just made, people were trying to sleep right across the hall. Looking sheepishly to the side to see who the voice belonged to, spotting the Angaran standing in the door of the galley made a deep blush ignite in his cheeks, of course it was him._

_“Oh, um-“ Phthalo leaned forward and tried to right all the things he just knocked over out of embarrassment “yes I’m okay, sorry I didn’t hear you come in...”_

_“I didn’t mean to startle you, but I thought you would have heard me as I wasn’t exactly being quiet.” Jaal spoke, a small smile on his face._

_The Angaran walked over and picked up the items that fell onto the ground, setting them back on the table. Phthalo sat back down with a huff, resting his elbows on the table to burry his face in his hands, wishing the floor would open up swallow him. He knew he had no chance with Jaal but embarrassing yourself in front of your crush was never fun._

_“You and me both.” Phthalo sighs, grimacing at the suddenly spike of pain from his head._

_The booth dipped as Jaal sat down next to him, a large hand came to rest on his shoulder, Phthalo could feel the warmth leaking off Jaal even though the glove he wore._

_“You look quite pale, are you sure you are okay?” Jaal asked sincerely, his comforting aura seemingly soothing the throb within his skull._

_“It’s just a migraine.” Phthalo let his hands fall against the table, feeling pathetic. But Jaal only gave a confused face, trying to study the human next to him._

_“What?” Phthalo suddenly felt a surge of worry, did Jaal think less of him for letting a stupid headache get in the way of being the Pathfinder._

_“I don’t think we have a word for what you are saying, the translator is struggling.” Jaal laugher softly “and I don’t think you are suffering from something called a “color storm.” Unless it is an actual ailment, then I apologize.”_

_Phthalo found himself laughing despite the pressure it put in his headache, shaking his head he gazed at Jaal lovingly._

_“No that’s not a real thing. I have a bad headache, but a color storm is a pretty good description.” Phthalo snorts_

_“Ah, head splitters. They can get very nasty, is there anything I can do to help?” Jaal asked, always so caring._

_“Nah I’ll be fine, I get them all the time. Although I can’t go to sleep, so maybe just spend some time with me?” Phthalo tested the water, not wanting to scare Jaal off or invite himself into Jaal’s space “if that’s alright with you, feel free to say no.”_

_“Hmm I would love to spend some time with you, I’ve actually been working on something quite interesting that I wish to show you.” Jaal suddenly stood, offering his hand to Phthalo “just please, no barfing on my schematics.”_

_Phthalo laughed, taking Jaal’s large hand within his own and stood himself._

_“You’ve got yourself a deal.”_

*****

“Yeah...” Phthalo croaked out, leaning heavily into the steady mass that was Jaal’s chest “I think running around all day in the sun just got to me, I just need to sleep it off like normal.”

“We are almost at the Tempest, you can fall asleep now though. I can carry you back to your quarters.” Jaal rubbed large circles into Phthalo’s back.

“ _Our_ quarters, but remind me to kiss you breathless when I wake back up.” Ryder mumbled, trying to get comfortable in the Angaran’s strong lap.

“Of course, now go to sleep.” Jaal kissed Phthalo’s scalp, smiling into the bright white hair.

Phthalo moves to bury his face into the crook between Jaal’s arm and chest, finally setting down in his boyfriend’s embrace. Ryder swore Jaal could fix just about anything. His soothing deep voice calming the hurricane winding around in his head, the slow rhythmic rubbing on his back and the constant thumping of Jaal’s heart slowly lulled Phthalo to sleep. Hopefully when he woke up the migraine would be gone.

~~~

“Pathfinder.”

Phthalo started to stir, even with only being slightly awake the headache came back with full force, and it felt even worse than earlier. Bile rised in his throat and stung his nose, only forcing Phthalo to press his face harder into the pillow and breathing in the scent of his boyfriend. Jaal must have carried him to bed after they made it onto the Tempest, slowly reaching his hand out and patting the bed around him expecting the Angaran to be laying there, but was disappointed to learn the bed was empty. Signing in defeat Phthalo cracked open his eyes ever so slightly to see his room cast in darkness, the only light being from the stars outside the window gently illuminating some surfaces.

“Pathfinder.” SAM’s voice broke the silence “Please head down to the medbay, your cranial pressure has increased.” 

Ryder groaned, knitting his brows together and shut his eyes. Maybe he could pretend he didn’t hear SAM and go back to sleep, the thought of getting up out of bed right now was unbearable, let alone walking all the way down to medbay. The headache would go away on its own, he just would have to sleep it out like always, it wasn’t a big deal.

“Pathfinder.” SAM’s voice rang out once more.

Suddenly his tiredness was gone, knowing it was SAM’s doing he let out a frustrated sigh and clenched the sheets.

“SAM let me sleep, I feel like shit.” Phthalo snapped at the AI, going to stuff his head under the pillow.

“Please head down to the medbay, scans I have conducted on your brain show signs of distress.” SAM stated, almost sounding firm.

Phthalo let out a fast huff, quickly pushing himself to a sitting position but immediately regretting it as his head twanged painfully. 

“I’m fine...it’s just a really bad migraine.” He breathed, pressing his palm into his glabella as if it would elevate the pressure in his skull. “But I’ll go see Lexi, get some stronger meds. SAM, Look into getting that woman a raise, she deserves it.”

“Noted, Pathfinder.” The AI replied before falling silent. 

Phthalo drags himself to the edge of the bed, struggling as his left arm was feeling weak but just assumed it was because he slept on it weird. Thankfully Jaal had set his prosthetics on the side of the bed along with a glass of water on the nightstand, that man was truly a saint. Phthalo wrapped his fingers around the still chilled glass as he quickly brought it to his lips and tipped his head back, downing it all helped cool the molten lava that flowed beneath his skin. After finishing the glass he set it aside and grabbed his legs, Phthalo gently pulled them on one at a time before pushing himself onto his feet only to be met with an immediate head rush.

Black spots invaded his vision and he swayed like a tree being whipped around in a storm, struggling to find his balance. Phthalo placed a hand on his churning stomach and swallowed thickly to keep down the stomach acid that threatened to escape him. The room stretched out endlessly in front of him, the once few feet to the door now seemingly miles away. Phthalo suddenly doubted he could make the distance to the door, let alone all the way down to the med bay. Anger bubbles up through him at that thought, he had killed Archon and established outposts on planets he wouldn’t have even dreamed of back on earth, he wasn’t going to let a stupid migraine get in his way.

Taking a deep breath in through his nose Phthalo took a step forward to try and close the distance between him and the door, only to have his left leg give out and send him crashing to the cold, unforgiving Tempest floor. The fall was to much for his stomach to handle, barely managing to push himself onto his elbows before bile surged past his lips and onto the ground below him, regretting drinking that water now. Throwing up only made his headache worse, the wave of throbbing pain once coming and going with the beat of his heart now constant and debilitating. Phthalo pushes himself onto his side as to not lay in the vomit now stinging his sinuses, breathing heavily as his eyes slowly started to skip closed, having used up all his energy in a futile attempt to reach the medbay.

The sound of the door to his room hissing open was the only thing that kept him from slipping into the darkness that seemingly called his name.

“Kid? I was making dinner and I heard something fall.”

Draco’s voice was sandpaper to his ear drums and his heavy foot steps even more so, but Phthalo couldn’t be more happy to see the Krogan. Phthalo tried to shift himself to look up at Drack but his body was spent and felt like he was made of thousands of pounds of concrete, only managing to extend his arm out and drig his nails into the floor with an exasperated breath.

“Christ you look terrible.” Drack’s heavy footsteps neared Phthalo, kneeling down he placed a hand on the Pathfinder’s shoulder.

“Thanks, good to see you too.” Phthalo tried to bite back but his words were empty and held no malaise , his sentence jumbled as his mouth was increasingly difficult to move.

“Please take the Pathfinder to the medbay, he is in need of assistance.” SAM spoke from the small node on Phthalo’s desk.

Drack made a noise akin to a hum and began trying to pick up Phthalo, but Phthalo weakly tried to bat him off.

“Nooo, I’ll get vomit on you, I’m gross.” He protested, or at least tried, his voice broken and weary.

A booming chuckle left the Korgen and picked Phthalo up anyway, adjusting Phthalo so he was carrying the human bridal style, trying to be as gentle as possible but Drack wasn’t well known for being gentle. 

“That’s not even the worst thing I’ve gotten on me in battle, little vomit won’t hurt.” Drack states, making sure he had firm grip on Phthalo before walking towards the door.

Drack may be covered in bones and gloat about how he has killed hundreds of thousands but on the inside he had a soft side, especially for family. Phthalo saved the Korgan soldiers and his Ru’shan was fond of him so Drack found himself taking a liking to the human, some might even say he _cared_ for the Pathfinder but he would just laugh it off, but deep down he knew it to be true. Phthalo made no attempts to hide the love he felt for his crew, often times saying how they were his family, like brothers and sisters to him. Phthalo had even called Drack “grandpa”, the first time he said it, it was meant as a joke but it quickly stuck and Ryder almost exclusively called him grandpa now. Drack wasn’t fond at first, finding the term silly and degrading, until he saw how happy it made Phthalo. It was like he was stabbed right in that soft spot he swore didn’t exist. Sure Phthalo wasn’t his Ru’shan, but he considered the squishy human family. 

As Drack carried him through the doors of his quarters a wall of delicious smells hit Phthalo and invaded his senses, despite feeling ill Drack’s food always smelled so amazing.

“Mmmm what are you cooking old man, smells wonderful.” Phthalo closes his eyes, focusing on trying to move his mouth to form sentences. He must have hit his head when he fell as his face was starting to feel numb.

“Surprise roast, It has an hour left to cook. Everyone has been bugging me about it so I sent them off to go do something else, they all are trying to beat Gil at poker. Even got Lexi involved.” Drack chuckled again, adjusting his grip on Phthalo “hopefully you will be fine by the time it’s done, or there might not be any left.”

Phthalo smiled weakly at the thought of Gil stealing everyone’s credits, after playing poker once with Gil he realized continuing to try would only end up with Phthalo being broke. Jaal was probably the only one they may still have ceds, everyone was to scared to hurt his feelings and let him win almost every time, Phthalo was not as forgiving with his boyfriend. The sound of laughter and yelling wasn’t far off, along with the smell of mouth watering food the ship’s air felt light and warm. A weak smile spread across his face, adoring that they could enjoy time like this without having to worry about the threat of Archon and Kett looming over their heads, this is why he fought so hard. 

It wasn’t until what felt like a saber had been thrusted into his skull that the smile left Phthalo’s face, instead a grimace and sob took its place. He seized up in Drack’s arms, hands darting up to cradle his head with tears welling in his eyes, sucking in a sharp breath through his teeth as he tried to ride out the waves of pain reverberating inside his cranium. Drack stopped in his tracks and stared down at the man in his arms with concern, maneuvering him so Phthalo could hide his face against Drack’s armor which Phthalo did almost immediately.

“Damn kid, this must be a really bad one.” Drack tried to sound empethetic, patting the human on his back “I’ll set you up on a bed then go get Lexi.” 

Drack began walking again, his pace quicker this time but thankfully the medbay wasn’t that far. The door’s slid open to the sterile bright room, the once wonderful smelling air now replaced with that of a hospital. Phthalo hated the smell of hospitals, having spent most of his younger life confined to a bed with back to back surgeries, it just always reminded him of stagnation and pain he tried to forget.

Drack placed Phthalo on one of the medical meds, moving him so he laid flat on his back before pulling away and quickly leaving the room. Phthalo squinted at the bright lights shredding his retinas like a kitten playing with tissue paper, with a groan he shifted to curl up on his right side and hide his face within his elbow. The darkness helped but only slightly, exhaustion seeped into his bones and weighed over him like a lead blanket. Phthalo knew he shouldn’t fall asleep and just wait until Lexi showed up but he had no energy to fight the abyss digging its claws into his broken form. So he submitted, allowing himself to retreat into the place he knew the pain couldn’t follow him, sleep.

~~~

Consciousness slowly webbed it’s way to Phthalo, the first feeling that came back to him was feeling of discomfort, sweat clinging to his skin as he felt overheated, His cheeks were on fire and his heart rate was through the roof. Phthalo srcunched his face up and tried to shift, letting out a sigh of relief when fresh air hit Phthalo’s scorching back, his shirt clinging to his damp skin. 

The sharp stabbing pain of his migraine now gone thankfully, but the pressure and dizziness remained. Phthalo frowns and slowly tried to open his eyes only for a blur to filled his vision even when he tried to blink it away, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips pressed into a thin frown. Trying to figure out where he was through the frosted glass now consuming his vision, but everything blended together like a horrible watercolor tapestry. Letting out a frustrated groan Phthalo pressed his head firmly into the pillow he was laying on, squeezing his eyes shut firmly.

It wasn’t until a large warm hand enclosed around his left wrist that Phthalo began to calm down, the feeling was extraordinary comforting but he couldn’t really put his finger on why. Opening his eyes once more and looking to his left where the person holding his wrist sat, still obviously blurry Phthalo squinted to try and make out any details. The first think Phthalo noticed was the purple form slightly towering over him, normally that image would be intimidating but something deep inside of Phthalo felt safe.

“Taoshay you’re awake, I was being to worry.” The wording and deep rumbling voice that left the man immediately made something click in Phthalo’s brain to who he was.

“Jaal?” Phthalo’s voice crackled and dry, tongue and lips numb caused him to slur his words “I-...I can’t see...feel like shit.” He breathed our ruggedly.

Jaal suddenly pulled back with a quick hum, the noise of shuffling filled his ears before Phthalo felt cold plastic being pushed onto his face and suddenly the blur cleared up slightly. It wasn’t perfect, things were still out of focus but at least Phthalo could actually make out details now.

“Lexi asked for me to take out your contacts, but I brought your glasses. You’ve been asleep for a while.” Jaal explains, Phthalo could hear the tiredness in his boyfriend’s voice and could even make out the deeper purple bags under the Angaran’s eyes.

Phthalo loved Jaal so deeply that it hurt, his heart heavy in his chest as he stared at his boyfriend who was worried sick about his health, obviously having stayed up hours by Phthalo’s side. Phthalo tried to lift his arm to cup Jaal’s cheek but no matter how much he tried to force it to respond, his left arm stayed dead at his side. Frowning slightly he tried to turn on his side to reach over with his right, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him and forced him to stay on his back. Phthalo quickly averted his gaze from Jaal to the person now holding him down, only to face Lexi who looked rather grim. 

“Please stay still, you are in a delicate state...” she said softly, her expression suddenly softening as she stared down at Ryder.

Phthalo’s face screwed up in confusion, not understanding what Lexi meant. His headache was gone, sure he may be a little under the weather but he should be fine soon, they just needed to give him a bit of time to wake up. Lexi must have been reading his mind as she sighed and looked down at rhe data pad clutched in her hands.

“Phthalo, you had a stroke. You _are_ having a stroke. I gave you some analgesia so the pain wouldn’t be so bad and some blood thinners to hopefully help with the cause of the stroke, which we believe is because of a blood clot.” Lexi states and shifts her weight from leg to leg “We are on our way to Meridian to take you into surgery...”

Phthalo suddenly felt hallow, like Lexi’s were a knife that gutted him. A stroke? He was barely thirty and he was having a stroke? A cruel joke, he thought.

“How are you feeling Ryder?” Lexi asked, pulling up a chair next to the bed and began to type something on her datapad.

_Ryder_. How clinical. Phthalo turned his gaze to the ceiling and simply stared, his eyes tracing the seams along the metal as he tried to process the information.

“Fine...” he said simply at first, anger setting deep in the pit that know was his stomach at the slur in his words “feels like I’ve run a marathon on the sun.” 

“Analgesia only stops the nerve endings from firing to your brain so you can no longer feel pain, but it doesn’t stop the body’s reaction to pain. You are likely experiencing an cateholamime surge that contributes to elevated heart rate.” Lexi reached up to squeeze an IV bag that was connected to Phthalo’s arm.

Phthalo only made a noise of acknowledgement, his eyes never leaving the ceiling, the silence was only a mask to cover the grief he was suddenly overwhelmed with. He was only twenty nine, he had only recently begun dating Jaal and started enjoying Andromeda without the threat of Archon, he worked so fucking hard to get here but now felt like it was slipping though his fingers with no way of stopping it. Jaal’s hand slipped into his left hand and Squeezed firmly, Phthalo was glad he could even still feel the loving touch of his boyfriend. 

“Are you okay, darling one?” Jaal’s voice was soft but full of warmth.

Phthalo finally turned his head to stare deeply into Jaal’s eyes and take in every detail he could, fearing me might not see them again. Jaal was trying to be strong and reassuring but Phthalo knew it was eating the Angaran up inside, the one thing they kept private was the talk of illness, it was considered rude or taboo to freely talk about what someone was plagued with. Phthalo saw the fear deep in Jaal’s eyes, how pale his normally vibrant skin was, the small pinpricks of electricity shocking Phthalo’s skin from Jaal’s worry. He was never good at hiding his emotions, the oaf. Phthalo’s throat tightened and his tears began to brim his eyes, wishing nothing more than to be able to squeeze Jaal’s hand back but it just wouldn’t respond.

“I-I don’t know...” Phthalo finally choked out as the tears became to much and suddenly overflowed, forming a seemingly never ending river down his cheeks that dropped onto his already damp shirt. 

Watching the tears leave Phthalo’s eyes broke something inside of Jaal, his heart feeling as if it was caving in on itself. Quickly leaning forward Jaal pressed his forehead against Phthalo’s and cupped his cheek, feeling his own tears sprouting to his eyes and slipping down his cheeks. It heavily pained him to see Ryder upset let alone in pain, this was like a knife had entered his chest and twisted endlessly with no sign of stopping. Phthalo leaned into Jaal’s touch and all composure left him as a broken sob tumbled past his lips, his body began shuttering like a leaf, wishing he could curl up in Jaal’s arms as it seemed like the only safe place in the universe right now.

“Phthalo...I know this is difficult, but you must remain calm. Any sudden spike in blood pressure may put you in more critical condition.” Lexi slid her hand onto Phthalo’s shoulder and squeezed slightly “if we can keep you calm until we arrive at Meridian and rush you to surgery, the stroke is not likely to be fatal.” 

Phthalo weakly nodded and tried to reel his emotions in, already feeling the pressure in his head increasing from crying. He tried to blink past the tears and take in the beauty that was his boyfriend, cataloging all his favorite features of the Angaran in hopes it would take his mind off the seemingly looming time bomb within the folds of his mind. Even though the stream of tears was beginning to dry, Phthalo still shook and sniffled in Jaal’s embrace, Lexi let out a soft sigh and stepped away to set her data pad on her desk. 

“I’m going to go speak with Kallo, see how far away from Meridian we are.” Lexi ran her hands over her uniform, smoothinf out he fabric “SAM, update me if Ryder’s condition changes while I’m gone.” She said to the air before starting to head towards the door.

“Of course, Dr. T’Perro.” SAM replied just before the Asari walked out of the room, the only reply was the hiss of air displacement from the medbay doors.

The room fell silent after Lexi left. The air suddenly thick and dense within Phthalo’s lungs, his chest tight and heavy like someone was pressing down on his ribs and compressing his airways. Reluctantly pulling away from Jaal he laid back against the bed in hopes his breathing would even out, Jaal moved his hands down to the blanket now pooling around Phthalo’s hips and pulled it up to his chest and tucked it under his arms. 

“Do you need anything? Are you comfortable?” Jaal asked with a weak voice, treating Phthalo like he was made of glass. 

“I’m okay, thank you for asking.” Phthalo’s tongue moved like molasses in his mouth, the whole left side of his face drooping quite a bit now and making it particularly hard to talk “I’m more worried about you, how long have you been up?” 

Jaal mumbled something that the translator couldn’t discern before letting out a soft chuckle and leaning back in his seat.

“Even when you are hurt, you are concerned for other people.” Jaal shook his head, taking Phthalo’s hand back in his own “I will sleep when you are in surgery, but I need to make sure you get there first.”

Phthalo could tell by the tone of Jaal’s voice there was no room for debate so he let the conversation drop, instead shifting to a different topic.

“Does everyone else know what’s going on?” Ryder cleared his throat, gently gripping the thin blanket with his right hand.

“No, or at least I do not believe so. We were all playing poker when Drack came in and asked for Lexi, he said you didn’t look to good.” Jaal waved his hand slightly as he explained “I, of course, followed Lexi because you are my Taoshay and I was worried. It’s a bit of a blur, SAM started saying so many things about your condition and Lexi pierced you with needles and hooked you up to machines. Dr. T’Perro looked so terrified...” Jaal trailed off and turning his gaze away for a moment, clearing his throat before turning back to Phthalo, his eyes glossy.

“Lexi assures that there is a vascular surgeon who has been awake long enough that cryo-sickness won’t be an issue.” The Angaran tried to muster a bit of hope in his voice, a weak smile forming on his lips.

Phthalo stared at his beloved, his heart straining for the weight on Jaal’s shoulders, there was no hiding the pain deep set in those orbs that contained beautiful galaxies, each Star weeping. Phthalo reaches his working hand over and placed it on Jaal’s cheek and ran his thumb over the other’s lips.

“You are my daar...” Phthalo whispers “I’ll be okay, I’m in the best hands the universe could offer. Plus if I remember correctly I promised I would kiss you breathless, and as I can’t do that now I must stay alive to fulfill that promise.” 

A deep rumbling laugh left Jaal and he brought Phthalo’s palm to his lips and kissed the weathered skin. Many battles and firefights have thickened the skin of Phthalo’s palms but it was still magically soft, Jaal assumes it was because of the thousands of creams Phthalo used before bed.

“I’ll count the seconds until that moment.” Jaal mumbled, staring lovingly at Ryder.

The sound of the Medbay doors opening drew their attention away from one another and onto Lexi who stood stiff with her hands behind her back. She gently nodded at them before striding over to her desk and picked up her data pad, quickly typing away a message before setting it down with a clack. There was a breef moment of Pause before Lexi quickly began unhooking Phthalo from some of the machines.

“We are in planetary descent, Dr. O’herra and Dr. Harry are waiting for you in trauma bay. I will wheel you to them and they will take you to surgery from there.” Lexi fixed the IV bag to the bed Phthalo was laying on, placing some of the other machines he was still attracted to on the bed as well

“You will coming with me, right Lexi? I mean I have to have the best doctor with me” Phthalo laughed nervously, not liking how Lexi was acting.

“I-“ she paused and straightened out her uniform again, a nervous habit she had “I cannot come with you. I’m a general doctor, I’m no where near trained to do intensive surgery, I will try to stay by your side but the moment I hand you off to Dr. O’Herra I will have to leave.” 

The pit in Phthalo’s stomach suddenly reared it’s ugly head again, his blood bubbling with anxiety and he broke out in a cold sweat. Phthalo knew it was irrational, the fear he felt, Harry and this other doctor would take care of him just fine but the idea of Lexi not being by his side just made his skin crawl. As though sensing Phthalo’s unease, Jaal squeezes his hand reassuringly and leaned forward to press a kiss against Phthalo’s temple.The rest of the trip was spent in relative silence, the only noise was made by Lexi preparing Phthalo for transportation. 

Jaal has stepped away to give Lexi more room to work, instead the angaran helped move things around when Lexi asked without hesitation as it meant helping Phthalo. Feeling the ship land and come to a hault made the foaming waves of nausea wash over Phthalo. He closed his eyes tightly and grimaced at the tight pressure building in his skull, the pain slowly seeping back into Phthalo’s skull, the dull throb inching its way up the back of his neck and to the front of his forehead.

“SAM notify trauma we are on our way.” Lexi spoke before pressing her foot down on one of the clamps bolting the bed to the floor.

“They have already been notified, awaiting your arrival now.” SAM’s even tone filled the room.

Lexi simply nodded before going around to the other side of the bed to unlock the clamp so the bed was now freely maneuverable, pulling it out with little effort Lexi got behind the bed and started to push it to the door. Fear suddenly surged through Phthalo as he let out a choked cry, feeling panic set deep within himself, his whole body fiercely shaking.

“W-Wait!!” He yelled, arm reaching out towards Jaal frantically “Jaal...I’m so scared...please, just-“ 

Jaal rushed forward and smothered Phthalo in a tight embrace, shaking himself as he was also scared for his lover, Jaal always promised to keep Phthalo safe but he couldn’t save him from his own brain. The Angaran gently presses a kiss to Phthalo’s lips which Phthalo tried to reciprocate as best he could, his mouth not cooperating only made him more upset. Jaal pulled away and held Phthalo’s face within his hands and pressed their foreheads together once more.

“It will be alright, you are so strong taoshay. They will put you to sleep and the next thing you’ll know you will be back in my arms kissing me breathless, just like you promised.” Jaal smiled weakly and nuzzled his lover slightly.

Phthalo nodded and closed his eyes, more tears falling. Jaal pulled away much to Phthalo’s dismay and Lexi resumed wheeling him out of the medbay, beginning to head down the hall and to the ramp. It was night time on Meridian and most if not all people who would be walking around were long asleep thankfully, Phthalo didn’t want to be seen crying as he was being wheeled through the corridors of the Nexus. The whole place had been rebuilt and new sections added on now that the threat of Kett was gone, the large hospital that had been erected in what seemed like record time.

“Hey Lexi?” Phthalo almost whispered, wiped his tears with the back of his wrist.

“Yes Ryder?” Lexi smiled sweetly down at Phthalo “how are you feeling?”

“The headache is coming back slowly which isn’t great...But I wanted to ask a favor.” 

“Ah, yes the analgesia I gave you might be starting to wear off. Hang in there, we are not that far off.” Lexi states as she pushed the bed into a trolly car, stepping away to the console to select a destination after the doors shut. “What kind of favor?”

“If anyone asks what happened to me, tell them I got hurt doing something cool. Like saving Jaal or a baby.” Phthalo laughed a bitter sweet laugh “no but seriously, please make sure Jaal gets taken care of if anything happens to me...” phthalo pressed his head back into the pillow “oh! I also want the cat genome pulled out of stasis.”

Lexi shook her head and turned to face Phthalo, her eyes glossy and a strained smile across her face.

“I’ll make sure to tell everyone you were injured saving Jaal who happened to be holding a baby.” She walked over to the bed, her normal composure ever so slightly breaking “I won’t need to make sure Jaal is taken care of, because nothing is going to happen to you. Both of you will be able to enjoy a long and happy life together, I’ll make sure of it.” 

“Thanks, your the best Lexi...” Phthalo snorted and wiped more tears away “now stop, all this sappy talking is gonna make me cry worse. Let’s go back to you telling me all the things breaking in my body with words that seem made up.”

“Gladly.” Lexi let out a breathy laugh and patted Phthalo’s shoulder before turning back to the console to see how far away they were from the hospital, wiping away secret tears.

The silence that followed was filled with the soft hum of the trolly speeding down the rails and the sound of the intercom occasionally chiming on. Phthlao wasnt really paying attention to what it was saying though as his light sensitivity came back with full force, he closed his eyes tightly and sniffled, trying to hide away from the pain. Lexi got behind Phthalo’s bed when the trolly came to a hault and doors slid open, she pushed the bed out and over the small gap between the platform and train before continuing their way down bright hallways.

Phthalo must have dozed off because the next thing he knew was he was surrounded by bustling people and lots of beeping, but it wasn’t until the bed came to a hault that Phthalo cracked his eyes open. Lexi was off to the side talking to an older lady, her long grey hair tied up in a near bun and her beautiful honey tanned skin stood out against the sterile white of her uniform. Dr. Carlyle had come up on his left side with a patient transport bed, his face full of focus and concentration but when he spotted that Phthalo was awake a thin smile spread across his lips.

“I would say I’m happy to see you, but these circumstances aren’t really ideal. How are you feeling Ryder? Any pain or discomfort?” Harry asked, pushing the rail guards down on the gurney.

“Mmm you know, I had a stroke so I’m doing just peachy.” Phthalo sarcasticaly mumbled “whatever Lexi gave me is wearing off so that wonderful headache is my best friend right now, kind was hoping you would be able to give me more.”

“We will give you some in a little bit.” The older lady chimed in as she walked over “hello Ryder, I’m Dr. O’Herra. I’ll be your surgeon today, it’s a pleasure to be working with you.” 

Dr. O’Herra was beaming, her eyes almost sparkling as she examined Phthalo closely. The confidence that oozed off the woman calmed his fried nerves ever so slightly, maybe it wasn’t going to be that bad after all. 

“Well the pleasure is all mine, I’ve heard you are the lady who will be messing around with my brain?” Phthalo smiles back, the once drowning fear slowly fading away.

“I’m a vascular surgeon, not a neurosurgeon. But I’m quite flattered querido.” O’Herra chuckles, pulling up her data pad “Dr. T’Perro has given you a tPA which should have dissolved the blood clot but unfortunately it seems to have done little to your pequeño amigo. The artery where the blood clot is located is under immense strain and in danger of closing, which would cut off blood flow entirely to that part of your brain.” O’Herra explains

“So we will be performing an carotid angioplasty, which involves creating a small incision on your neck, push a balloon up through your artery and to the blockage where we will then inflate then ballon and place a stent to keep the artery open.” She pats Phthalo’s arm. 

“Oh a ballon? Can I pick the color? Because I choose purple.” Phthalo laughed, feeling lighter now that it was explained “that actually doesn’t sound to bad...I was kinda expecting you to shave all my hair off and like cut my head open to remove some of my brain.”

O’Herra laughed and shook her head, handing her pad off to Lexi. Phthalo almost completely relaxed until sudden sharp stab was imbed in the back of his hand, quickly looking over to see Dr. Carlyle had put a needle in a vein before he placed a port and taped the area down.

“Usually you buy a guy a drink first before you go sticking them with long pointy things.” Phthalo joked and glared playfully at the man. 

“I have more needles if you would like.” He replied simply, a smug smile across his face

“Point taken!” Phthalo snorted.

Dr. O’Herra nodded at Harry before turning and walking away, Phthalo assumed it was to get ready for the surgery. Dr. Carlyle finished preparing the transport bed and unhooking Phthalo from most everything other than his IV, once he was deemed ready Harry motioned over for some staff to come over. They all crowded around Ryder and got a grabbed the sheet underneath him.

“Alright we are moving him to the transport bed” Harry ordered, tightening his grip on the sheet “3, 2, 1-!”

When Harry got to one the whole team lifted him up, causing Phthalo to gasp from both surprise and pain. Being jostled around so much made his brain feel like it was being put through the most aggressive wash cycle, his stomach was doing flips and if he had anything in it, he would have almost certainly would have gotten sick. The team moved him to the other bed quickly though, setting him down on the less comfortable faux leather of the gurney. Happy the move was over Phthalo let out a pained breath.

“How are you holding up Ryder?” Harry asked after thanking the other people, beginning to push the gurney.

“Fantastic, a bunch of strong men just lifted me off a bed. What more could a guy want?” Phthalo places his hand on his still churning stomach “also kinda wanna barf.” 

“Run over all the bumps on the way to surgery, got it.” Harry pushed them through trauma bay and into a waiting elevator.

“Dr. Carlyle! Who knew you could be so _cruel”_ Phthalo exclaimed and chuckled, ignoring how his head throbbed painfully.

“It happens when our Pathfinder still finds ways to get hurt when the war is over” Harry presses a button for another floor and watches the doors close. 

“Ah you know me, just trying to always keep you on your toes.” Phthalo waved his hand slightly, only to regret it as the port slid around uncomfortably under his skin. 

“Well at this point I should be considered a ballerina, not a doctor.” Harry sent a smile over his shoulder. 

Phthalo scoffed and rolled his eyes, pretending to be hurt. They had always teased each other as it lightened the mood, Harry knew how much Phthalo hated hospitals and how they made him uneasy, keeping his laughing just made things go more smoothly. Once the elevator opened Harry pulled the bed into the hall after looking both ways, moving behind the gurney to continue pushing. They made their way down to the surgery room where O’Harra was waiting with her medical team, all of them suited up and waiting patiently. Dr. Carlyle pushed the gurney next to the surgical table and lowered the side guards so they could move Phthalo one last time. Some of the nurses helped grab the sheet, transferring the Pathfinder as quickly and painlessly as they could, Phthalo still groaned of course but tried to keep his whining to a minimum.

Once transferred and the gurney was moved out of the way the final preparations for surgery went under way. Harry ties up Phthalo’s hair and puts a cap over it as the nurses hooked him up to a heart rate monitor and stabbed him a few more times with needles. Once Phthalo was ready Harry gently placed a mask over his nose and mouth, anesthesia flooding his airways and almost immediately caused Phthalo’s eyes to droop, Harry stepped away after placing the mask and everyone waited. It wasn’t long before Phthalo’s eyes shut completely and he was completely sedated, the surgery could begin.

————


	2. Slow dance with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Healing hurts, so do memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phthalo: *sobbing* father why,,,
> 
> Me, piling on daddy issues and trauma: If I gotta deal with it, so do you.  
> .  
> Also yes, Olive Ryder is an absolute BEEF CAKE and I love her.
> 
> .

Phthalo felt terrible. His neck was stiff and sore, the bed he was laying on felt like it was spinning a mile a minute, he was overheating quite a bit and his mouth was extremely dry. Phthalo reached up to touch his neck, or at least tries to, his uncoordinated movements made his fingers bump into his chin first before he was able drag them down to the bandage that covered a portion of the left side of his neck. Confused as first at why his neck hurt and the bandage was there, but as he woke up more Phthalo remembered he had surgery because his body hated him. 

Letting his hand fall back to the bed with a huff, he tried to run his tongue along the inside of his cheeks and teeth to hopefully ease the dryness but only grimaced at the tacky feeling, wishing he could drink a whole swimming pool at the moment. It wasn’t until more of his senses started seeping back into his awareness that Phthalo noticed people were talking around him, fighting the eye crust built up around his lids he slowly cracked them open. Not having his contacts made everything blurry but he could make out some basic shapes around the room, most notably the purple and blue mass to his right. His heart immediately lept up into his throat as he knew right away that it was Jaal, having woken up many times next to him.

“Guys his eyes are open!! I knew he wasn’t a vegetable!” Peebee’s voice suddenly shriek, causing the other going on in the room to hault for a moment.

“You weren’t so certain a few hours ago.” Vetra laughed.

“Well to be fair, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that man stay still for that long. He is always up to _something!_ ” Peebee argues. 

“Mmmnnice to see you guys too.” Phthalo croaked out, a slight slur still clinging to his words “well not really...does anyone have my glasses?” 

“I have them right here, taoshay.” Jaal leaned into Phthalo’s space before gently placing the blacked rimmed glasses on his nose, the chill plastic a welcome feeling against his heated skin. “How is that?”

Phthalo reached up and adjusted them slightly so they could sit more comfortably before he smiled at his now in-focus boyfriend.

“Much better, thank you.” He cleared his throat before moving to look at the rest of the room.

The entire Tempest crew was spread around the recovery room. Drack, Cora and Liam were lounging on a couch against the far wall, Gil, Peebee and Vetra were playing card games at a table, Kallo and Suvi were sitting on the floor watching a nature documentary on the tv attached to the wall and Lexi had gotten up from her spot on the couch to check on Phthalo. The sun beamed in through the open window, bathing the whole room in warm light, Jaal was practically glowing by how much rays he was getting. The soft halo of sun around his head made the Angaran look like an Angel, and Phthalo was almost positive that Jaal was at this point. His attention was drawn away by the sound of Peebee whining about how the game was unfair and throwing her cards down on the table. 

“Are you guys seriously playing poker while I’m laying in my death bed?” Phthalo scoffed, grin spreading across his face. 

“We _were_ playing poker, but Peebee is a dirty cheater.” Gil rolled his eyes and sat back “now we are playing go-fish. For money, of course.”

“I wasn’t cheating! I just happened to keep bumping your elbow, which just happened to make you drop your cards for us to see.” The Asari tried to say with a straight face, it didn’t last long before she bursted into laughter. 

Phthalo snorted and shook his head, instead now turning his head to face Lexi who held her datapad expectantly, a small smile played across her lips.

“Good to see you awake Ryder. You’ve been asleep for little over a day.” She stated, shifting her weight to look at the heart monitor Phthalo was connected to “How are you feeling?”

“Little sore, kinda like I was stabbed in the neck and a tube shoved up my artery and into my brain. So not to bad, I’m super thirsty though.” Ryder explained, folding his hands over his abdomen. “Glad to be awake.”

“Glad to see you haven’t lost your humor. You’ve had an IV drip so you wouldn’t get dehydrated, but your mouth is most certainly dry from lack of use. Let me get you some water.”

Lexi places her datapad on a small bedside table before making her way over to the sink in the room, picking up a disposable cup and holding it under flow of water after she turned on the faucet. Once full she turned the sink off and returned to Phthalo’s side and handed the cup off to him, Phthalo look the cup and downed it almost immediately, only taking a brief moment to swish the water around his mouth before swallowing with an audible gulp. He let out a sigh of relief and handed the cup back, feeling better now that he didn’t have to pry his tongue off the top of his mouth. 

“You’re a life saver Lexi, I could kiss you right now.” Phthalo maneuvered a bit so he was in more of a sitting position instead of laying down. 

“Haha, please don’t.” Lexi mumbles then takes Phthalo’s left hand within her own “well it seems like your speech is almost back to normal, can you squeeze my hand for me?” 

Phthalo nodded and squeezed her hand as best he could, it was still a bit of a struggle be he managed to wrap his fingers around the back of her blue hand and give a decent squeeze. Lexi seemed pleased as she pulled away and logged the results, letting out a soft hum.

“Not bad, now try reach up towards the sky with both hands.” Lexi stepped away, studying every movement with her sharp eyes. 

Phthalo nodded and lifted both arms up and held them straight up, his right arm stood perfectly straight and didn’t falter, but his left wanted to drift downwards. Phthalo knitted his brows together and tried to force the limb to stay up, but the force of gravity weighed heavily and he was only able to keep it up for mere moments before it flopped down onto the bed. Lexi perused her lips and logged the results once more as Phthalo returned his other arm to the bed as well, a tight feeling in his throat as he knew what Lexi was going to say next.

“I’m assigning you physical therapy, it’ll start tomorrow.” Lexi states, leaving no room for arguing in her tone. 

Phthalo groaned loudly and threw himself back against the pillows of his bed, crossing his arms over his chest and scrunched up his face in anger. Even with Lexi’s stern answer, Phthalo wasn’t going down without a fight. 

“You can’t be serious! Physical therapy _blows,_ It takes forever and it’s painful.” He puffed his cheeks out “I’m fine Lexi! I can move around and all that cool stuff, I should be back on my feet, like, tomorrow and back on missions in less than a week.”

“I would have preferred you start today, but I knew how much you dislike it so I held off. But the sooner we can start the better chances you will have for recovery, an ischemic stroke is very serious and you could have ended up in a way worse situation.” Lexi kept her voice level. 

“What if I refuse?” Phthalo asked after a moment of contemplation 

“Darling one, I don’t think that is very wise...” Jaal whispered, placing his large hand over Phthalo’s own. 

“But you’ve never had physical therapy, it sucks SO much. Drack you have to agree with me on this one, right?!” Phthalo snarled slightly. 

“I agree, physical therapy does suck.” Dark crosses his arms. 

“Thank you! At lease someone agre-“

“-but, I still think you should go.” He cut in, a wide toothy grin forming across his face.

Phthalo sat back up, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water before he closed it and clenched his jaw looking around the room at his family. 

“Are all of you on Lexi’s side?” He asked, frowning. 

Everyone quickly exchanged glances with each other, the room silent. 

“Well, of course. Lexi is a trained medical professional after all, she wouldn’t assign you something that is unnecessary.” Kallo was the first to speak, his large eyes staring down Phthalo.

“I agree with Kallo, and you know how much I hate saying he is right.” Gil leaned back in his chair, setting his cards down. 

“I’m saying this from a place of love, but you tend to throw your self into dangerous situations without thinking of the consequences, so I don’t really trust you. I don’t want to see you die because you are too thick headed and stubborn to accept help.” Liam crosses his arm and shrugs his shoulders. 

“I don’t want to see you die either, once was enough.” Vetra gruffed. 

Phthalo stared in disbelief at his team for a moment before reaching back and grabbing his pillow, placing the plush item in his lap and soothed out the fabric. 

“Never in all my days did I think I would experience a mutiny but here I am, betrayed by my own family.” Phthalo let out a breathy laugh “now if you will excuse me, _traitors_ , I have some important business to attend to.” 

Phthalo swiftly buried his face in the pillow before exasperatedly yelling into soft fabric. Phthalo knew he was being overly dramatic and it did truly warm his heart that his crew care so much for his well being, but Phthalo just hated physical therapy with a passion. He spent years learning to walk again with his new legs and it was extraordinarily painful, he knew this time it wouldn’t be so bad and would probably take less time, but bad memories don’t go away overnight. Phthalo was so caught up in his pity part that he didn’t even hear the door to his room open.

“See? This is why I came out first, you couldn’t be my older brother and act like this.” 

A sarcastic voice tore Phthalo from his thoughts, causing him to surge upright in search for where the voice originated from even with the headrush that followed after the quick movement. Now standing at the foot of his bed was his sister, her strong arms crossed over her chest and the sharp angles of her face stern as ever. Her towering figure normally would intimidate any person that crossed her path but Phthalo only found it comforting. She was a forced to be reckoned with, having spent most of her time time growing up in sports like wrestling and competitive boxing, she even took up track and field at one point. All of that shaping her into the equivalent of a human tank that could go toe-to-toe with a Krogan.

“Olive!” Phthalo beamed wildly, happy to see his sister.

“Hey idiot.” Olive finally cracked a smile, her aura radiating warmth. 

“Hey stupid.” Phthalo grinned, playfully glaring at his sister “look I know it’s been over like five months since the last time we saw each other but next time just call instead of putting a blood clot in my brain, you witch.” He laughed as he brought up the inside joke. 

A firm and swift punch landed on his arm which Phthalo quickly rubbed his palm over to ease the pain, they were always roughhousing and scrapping with each other, but it was always from a place of love. Being raised by Alec Ryder meant they needed to be tough and ready for anything, normal parents would make sure that their kids ate every vegetable on their plate and call it good, but their dad took that way further. Mandatory sports and after school activities to make sure their minds were as sharp as their bodies, something Olive took in strides, Phthalo on the other hand struggled immensely. 

He had hated sports when he was younger, always wishing he could just go home and watch cartoons or help mom cook dinner instead of scrape his knee for the thousandth time being the worst goalie in soccer history. Olive had always gotten what little praise their father gave out while Phthalo only got disapproving looks and lectures about the importance of exercise and how Phthalo should be taking his heath more seriously. This continued all the way up until high school when Phthalo joined the outdoors club in his freshman year, loving the once a month trips into the mountains and the hours long hikes him and his classmates took. It also got his dad off his back about physical activity which was also a plus. 

Phthalo would even go on hikes around the neighborhood when he wasn’t on school trips, most often after him and his father got into heated arguments. Olive joined him on most of those hikes to help calm him down and make sure Phthalo didn’t do anything stupid, they bonded the most on those walks. Sometimes they would even head down to the small ice cream shop near their house and spend their small allowance on two cones, Olive always got strawberry while Phthalo got cookie dough. Those were the few memories he was fond of from his childhood. 

“Shut up that’s not funny.” Olive grinned “you are just mad because you got stuck in bed again. How many times has it been now?”

“You shut up, jerk. You are the one who is mad because I’m exposing all your secrets to my crew, now they all know you are an evil witch.” Phthalo snorted, taking his turn to punch Olive in the arm only to wince as it felt like he punched a brick wall made of muscle. 

There was a soft pause, Olive moved to sit on the edge of the bed causing the whole mattress to dip under her weight, resting her forearms over her knees staring blankly at the floor. 

“Remember when we were little and I convinced you I was actually a witch? Learned all those stupid magic tricks and everything just to fuck with you. Bought a stupid pointy hat and everything.” Olive’s voice went soft “or that time were I made you think I turned you invisible and didn’t know how to bring you back? Even mom pretended she couldn’t see you, until you cried like a baby. Me and her baked you brownies as an apology...”

Olive was probably the strongest person he had ever met aside from dad, she could take the roughest tumble and get right back up with no problem, half the time she would even be cackling. Phthalo could count the amount of times he as seen her cry on one hand, growing up in the same room and spending almost every waking moment together until they were in their mid-teens meant he could read his sister like a book. Which also meant he knew how much Olive _loathed_ crying, being the only daughter of Alec Ryder meant it was drilled In her head that she had to be tough as nails and not let the world see her be weak for even a moment.

“Look you aren’t allowed to make fun of me for being a baby when you are doing the same.” Phthalo whispered as he rested his cheek on her shoulder, feeling his own tears springing to his eyes “you know pot, kettle, that whole bag.”

“Phthalo I was really worried.” Olive suddenly turned to face her brother, a few tears streaming down her cheeks which took him back quite a bit. 

“I thought you were going to die, I only heard about what was going on with you after you were already in surgery and...I didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t sleep or eat because I was so worried.” Olive looked away again, taking a deep breath “Mom is gone, Dad’s gone. You aren’t allowed to leave me too.”

Phthalo felt a terrible guilt deep in his chest but even after being in love with the most emotionally open species in the universe, he was at a loss of how to comfort his sister. The last time he saw her cry, actually crying and not just tearing up, was when they were ten and Olive took the nastiest fall off her bike and scraped up her knees, shins and palms. Phthalo had to carry her on his back while he walked both their bikes home, when they had arrived their father only scolded Olive and sent her to go patch herself up. Pushing the thought away, Phthalo simply hugged Olive’s waist tightly and kept his face pressed into her back, he couldn’t say anything that would ease her so he instead tried to lighten the mood.

“You think I’m gonna let a little stroke put me out? You know I’m the pathfinder right? Saved a whole galaxy and thousands of lives while looking absolutely flawless doing it.” Phthalo smiles, wiping his tears on her shirt like he used to do when they were younger “plus I have a ton of things to do still, like annoying you and getting married and having kids, so my kids can annoy you too.”

There was a soft pause as Olive quickly wiped away her own tears and tried to reign in the emotions that slipped through the cracks in her defenses. To anyone else Phthalo’s words may have come across as disingenuous or evasive, but Olive had known him long enough that she could read between the lines and know what he truly meant. A promise that he wasn’t going to leave her. 

“You are disgusting, I can’t believe I would cry over you.” Olive playfully pushed Phthalo off and rolled her eyes, they both liked to laugh more than cry so they recovered quickly with jokes.

“You love me.” Phthalo teased and grinned “no hiding it now dummy.” Olive stood and faced Phthalo, crossing her arms. 

“Now you are just being an ass.” She paused with a smile “I have to get back to work, I’m still on shift. But I’ll come and see you later this afternoon.” Olive walked towards the door, but stopped before walking out “No one talks about me crying or that I have emotions or you _will_ regret it.” 

Olive’s sharp gaze scanned over everyone in the room, making sure she got a nod or a noise of acknowledgement, even Drack to Phthalo’s utter surprise agreed, and the Krogan never let anyone threaten him. Once satisfied, Olive turned to Vetra and her features softened ever so slightly, reaching to take Vetra’s talons within her own. 

“I got everything for dinner, you and Sid are still coming over right?” Olive smiled at the Turian. 

“The movie I “borrowed” for after dinner festivities says yes, we are still coming over.” Vetra leaned back, acting nonchalant “there is no backing out now, my darling sister literally won’t stop talking about how excited she is.” 

Olive chuckles, leaning down to place a soft kiss on Vetra’s lips before finally turning to leave, Olive tended to try and leave situations that made her cry as quickly as possible so this was no different. Phthalo swore if his jaw could detach that it would be in his lap at the moment, not only had he just witness his sister cry and threaten his crew into silence, Olive had _kissed_ Vetra like it was no big deal. Closing his mouth with a soft clack of his teeth, Phthalo tried to unpack everything that just happened, choosing to face the lesser of two evils.

“Okay first of all Drack, Olive threatened you,and you didn’t even say a snarky comment?” Phthalo watched the Krogan burst out in laughter, only becoming more puzzled. 

“Not many things scare me kid, but Olive is one of them. You’ve shown me vids of her boxing tournaments, I know blood rage when I see it.” Drack continues laughing “the true test of battle is knowing when to quit, so I have no interest on getting on Olive’s bad side.”

After spending years as his sister’s punching bag or training dummy for practicing new wrestling moves Phthalo could understand, letting the topic go he then immediately shifted towards Vetra who was seeming waiting for the onslaught of questions with her mandibles turned up in a grin. 

“How long have you and Olive been together?! Neither of you have even mentioned being interested in each other and suddenly you are smooching?” Phthalo asked with a breathy laugh 

“Two months. We got to know each other while we were stationed at Meridian after taking right out from under Arcon. I wanted to see what she was about and I was _not_ disappointed.” Vetra crossed her legs and leaned back in her chair “when we left me and her emailed regularly and it morphed into a relationship, so I introduced her to Sid. They hit it off immediately and became best friends, so I guess were family now Ryder.” 

Phthalo smiles sweetly at Vetra, his heart warm and heavy in his chest. Olive never hid the fact that she was Pan, never caring who or what the person was as long as they had a good head on their shoulders, and Phthalo couldn’t think of a better person than Vetra Nyx for his sister. Truly a match made in heaven.

“Awwww, idiot we were already family!” Phthalo grins evilly “but that means I can totally drag you and Olive on a double date with me and Jaal!! Oh my gosh how romantic~!” Clasping his hands together he shot a loving look over towards said Angaran who looked almost equally excited as his human companion.

Vetra pretended to gag. 

“Ugh, Forget I said anything.” She smiled and rolled her eyes.

~~~

The first few months were a blur for Phthalo. Between meeting neurologists, speech-language pathologists and physical/occupational therapists he barely had time for anything but rehabilitation. The first day of physical therapy someone was coming in every hour or so to conduct some form or test and then talk about his condition, it was positively draining. Phthalo also had spend the first five days in the recovery room just to make sure he was fine, but going through all the physical therapy and being poked and prodded at like a lab rat just to return to his empty dark hospital room was almost the worst form of torture. 

The day they release Phthalo from the hospital to the small apartment Jaal and him had been assigned had to have been the best day ever, sure he had no idea when we was going to get the all clear to return to duty but Phthalo was just overjoyed he could at least cuddle with his boyfriend now. Lexi has said the first three months after a stroke were the most important for recovery, if he could improve and show we can function without help then he could most likely return back to being the Pathfinder full time. 

Phthalo had regained enough ability to move his arm and leg reliably to preform everyday tasks, only having to go down to therapy once a day which Jaal would always walk him down and drop him off and be the first thing he saw when he walked out. A welcomed routine set in place around his physical therapy schedule. Jaal always woke up hours before Phthalo so he would fill the time answering reports and tinkering, around nine in the morning Jaal would shift to make breakfast for his beloved. The chicken genome being brought out of stasis a while ago meant there now an abundance of eggs which Jaal had read on a report Lexi made, eggs were a good source of protein for humans so he picked up a few every day. 

The Angaran paired the eggs with toast and a bowl of human fruits, being often raspberries and blackberries. A few minutes before the breakfast was ready Jaal would enter the bedroom gently wake Phthalo, making sure he was actually going to get up and not just fall back asleep the moment he left. While Phthalo would great ready for the day Jaal would set the table for their breakfast, they would eat together before for a small walk on Meridian’s trails, using the time to enjoy each other’s company and get Phthalo some extra time physical activity. Their walk would span a little over an hour or two depending on how much time they spent talking at breakfast, but the walk would always lead right up to noon where Jaal would then drop Phthalo off at physical therapy. 

While Phthalo was busy getting better, Jaal would run errands around Meridian. Getting groceries and toiletries for their tiny apartment, Phthalo used so many soaps, creams and lotions that it often stunned the Angaran at how fast his lover would go though them. Jaal didn’t mind of course as he also used lots of creams to keep his crest nice and shiny. Once he returned home Jaal would put everything away and do some general tidying, moving the dishes to the sink so Phthalo could wash them later. The rest of the time Jaal spent either catching up with the Tempest crew or filling out more reports.

At a quarter till four Jaal would leave the apartment and head down to pick up his beloved, Phthalo would often be exhausted and grumpy when he walked through the doors and into Jaal’s embrace. They would then shift into another walk as the artificial sun was beginning to set, Jaal would spend most of the walk silent as Phthalo decompressed and talked about everything that happened, only chiming in once an a while to agree with how “absurd” some of the stuff his medical team was making him do. Of course Jaal actually agreed with everything they were doing but if it made Phthalo feel better when he sided with him, Jaal didn’t mind fibbing a little. After the walk they would make their way home where Phthalo would wash up the dishes from breakfast and Jaal would begin making dinner. They would eat together on the couch and watch vids until Phthalo began to fall asleep on Jaal’s shoulder, the Angaran would then wisk Phthalo away to the bedroom to get ready for the night while he did the dishes. Jaal would soon join Phthalo in bed and they would fall into blissful sleep tangled up in each other’s embrace. 

Today was no different. 

Phthalo was laying supine on a bed while Lexi was massaging his pectoralis muscle, Phthalo was breathing deeply like instructed but it was a bit hard as Lexi’s fingers dig into his sore muscles. Yesterday while reaching up to put away dishes in the cupboard his left arm seized, his muscles contracting so tightly that it was almost debilitating. His arm clamped tightly to his side caused Phthalo to drop the plate he was trying to put away and it shattered on the floor. Jaal was so concerned that he made Phthalo go in early for therapy and to stay late if necessary, it now almost five thirty and Phthalo was extraordinarily agitated but he tried to keep it under wraps. 

“How often are you drinking water, Ryder?” Lexi asked after a bit, eyes glancing up. 

“I don’t know, not that often I guess.” Phthalo was being a bit short, his annoyance ebbed and flowed through his veins. 

“I’m going to need you to start drinking more, I think some of this was caused by dehydration.” Lexi pulled away and examined Phthalo “but I think we are done for today, if the discomfort continues stretching and more massaging can help. You can also use a cold compress as well.” 

Phthalo sits up and tested moving is arm, the soreness still reminded but it was greatly diminished, slinging his prosthetics over the side of the bed he hops off and stands with a sigh. Phthalo was so utterly exhausted, he hadn’t been sleeping all the great but he was told that was a side effect of strokes sometimes, and after hearing about some of the other side effects he could have had, not being able to sleep was just fine. Lexi has prescribed him some sleeping medication along with the thousands of other pills he was taking at the moment but sometimes they just didn’t work. A soft hand being placed between his shoulder blades brought him out of his sour thoughts slightly. 

“I want you to take it easy Phthalo...I’m worried about you.” Lexi says, her eyes as soft as her words. Phthalo smiles weakly at that, turning to pull Lexi in a tight hug. 

“I know, I’m sorry I’ve been a bit of a pain in the ass about getting better” Phthalo mumbles, resting his cheek on her shoulder as she rubbed circles into his back. 

“Ah, it’s okay.” Lexi hummed “you have a good rest of your night okay? And I mean it, take it easy tonight.”

Phthalo pulled away and chuckled, tucking a loose strand of his hair behind his ear. His hair had gotten quite long, he would probably have to get a haircut soon much to Jaal’s disappointment. 

“Yeah sure Lexi, I won’t do anything to strenuous.” He crosses his arms over his chest “see you tomorrow.” 

“Tell Jaal I said hi.” Lexi said finally before turning to tidy up.

Phthalo nodded and made his way through the almost empty roomroom, walking past multiple pieces of therapy equipment on the way towards the door. Not many people needed physical therapy currently, the two other people that Phthalo would spend his afternoons with was a human woman and a male Turian. The woman, Lilith, was a bit older and hurt her back taking a tumble down the stairs while the Turian, Kaena, had been been shot through the knee on Kadara. They both had left over an hour ago along with the helpers so the room was silent except for the sound’s of Phthalo’s prosthetics making contact with the floor as he walked. Once close enough to the door it slid open with a soft hiss, Jaal stood on the other side of the hall waiting for him like always, Phthalo smiles gently and strode over to the Angaran.

“Hello my love, how long have you been waiting?” Phthalo places his hands on Jaal’s chest and leaned forward to steal a kiss “there is no way you could have known when I was gonna be out. Unless you have some secret super power you’ve been hiding from me.”

“No, nothing of that sort.” Jaal chuckles, placing his own hands on Phthalo’s hips “I showed up at regular time and have been here since.”

“You waited two whole hours? That’s some dedication, I’m flattered.” Phthalo grins and traced his fingers over the seams on Jaal’s clothes, noting how nice he looked. “what on meridian did you do the whole time?”

“Some things are worth waiting for, but I chatted with people who passed by. Actually got a Salarian to have a conversation with me for quite a while, he was rather interested about Angara culture.” Jaal explains, bumping his forehead against the other’s “Enough about me, how are you taoshay?”

“Hmmm I’m fine, we can talk about what happened to me today on our walk. I need some fresh air after being cooped up all afternoon.”

Jaal pulled away and unclaspped his rofjin, taking it off before he slipped it around Phthalo’s shoulders and made sure it wouldn’t fall off. Jaal knew Ryder loved to wear the garment, taking every opportunity he could to steal it from him and wear it for hours on end and sometimes even to sleep in. Not that Jaal minded of course. He always got it back when Phthalo said it no longer smelled like him, which meant it smelled like Phthalo instead which Jaal absolutely savored. Plus watching his darling one walk around in his clothes made Jaal’s chest fill with pride.

“It’s a little chilly, I wouldn’t want you to get cold.” Jaal states and holds his elbow out for Ryder to take, remembering it was a gesture he saw in the multiple romantic movies they watched together.

“Such a gentleman today.” Phthalo snorts, hooking his own arm through Jaal’s as they made their way through the halls. 

Despite being six at night, the station was bustling especially when they got out of hospital wing. Some walkways were filled to the brim with people, cheery voices and conversations filled the air and occasionally they were stopped so someone could ask Phthalo a question or just to say general hellos. Most tried to stay out of their way though which Phthalo was quite greatful for, it’s not that he wanted to be rude but he was just too tired for small talk and people might have picked up on that by the bags under Phthalo’s eyes. Jaal made sure to keep his beloved close as to not loose him in some of the crowds, at some points wanting to just pick Phthalo up and hold him above it all, but he refrained. Soon enough they finally found their way outside, the artificial sky painted in hues of vibrant oranges and pinks that seemed like something out of a story book. Phthalo hummed and took a deep breath, even back on earth he had never experienced such fresh clean air.

“I wonder how it does that.” Jaal joined Phthalo in gazing at the sky, unhooking their arms so he could instead entwine their hands together. 

“The sky?” Phthalo asked as he rested his head on Jaal’s shoulder, a content smile spreading across his face. 

“Yes. I know it is not a real sun as the close proximity would incinerate us all” Jaal squeezes Phthalo’s hand “but it feels real, my sunlight receptors react to it just the same as an actual star. It’s strange.”

“Don’t think to much about it, I think Suvi gave herself a headache last time she tried to figure it out.” Phthalo laughs and tugs Jaal so they could continue their walk.

Large fields of radishes, carrots and spinach had been planted next to the Hyperion almost immediately, along with wheat, oats and rice but those wouldn’t be ready for a few more weeks. Phthalo took them past the wheat field as the sound of wind blowing through the stalks was just wonderfully calming, the shadows casted by the swaying leaves and stems were also just gorgeous. 

“So, are you going to tell me about your day now?” Jaal asked inquisitively, gazing lovingly down at Phthalo

“Ha, I was actually hoping you would have forgotten.” He mumbled, sticking his hand out to run his fingers through the crop “Lilith had brought in some cookies to thank the staff and she gave some to me and Kaena.” 

“That was nice of her.” Jaal smiled but could tell Phthalo was trying to be evasive, so he asked more direct questions “How is your arm feeling? Do they know why it locked up?”

“They massaged the muscles for a bit then watched me lift some light weights until it locked up again.” Phthalo sighed, avoiding Jaal’s studying eyes “Lexi wants me to drink more water because it’ll help, I’m supposed to be taking it easy.” 

Jaal nodded and let silence fall back over them as they switched from walking through the fields to the outskirts of a forest, getting on one of the many dirt trails that littered the forest floors. 

“You have been pushing yourself lately.” Jaal said after a bit, watching as Phthalo almost seemed to flinch at his words “might be good to relax for a bit, we’ve already won the war.”

Phthalo sighed softly, slouching his shoulders and running his free hand up to the back of his neck to rub, Jaal had been doing enough research on human mannerisms to recognize this was a self-soothing gesture. 

“I just-” Phthalo looked up towards the sky sadly. “I really want to get back out there.”

“Well you won’t be able to when you push yourself so hard that you only end up back in the hospital.” Jaal squeezes Phthalo’s hand once more. 

“I know...I just thought that maybe if I could just work a bit harder that we might be able to leave soon.” Phthalo let out a breathy laugh “I spent three years of my life learning to live with my new legs and I missed out on so much, and I’m afraid it’s going to happen again. There is still so much I wanna do but it feels like it’s all slipping through my fingers and I don’t know how to stop it.” 

Jaal felt his chest tighten as he listened to his taoshay’s words, pulling Phthalo in for a tight hug and buried his face in his hair. 

“My heart hurts for your burden, I had no idea” Jaal spoke softly, feeling as if his voice went louder Phthalo might shatter in his embrace. 

“It’s okay, to be fair I’ve never told you.” Phthalo chuckles slightly. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever asked how you’ve lost your legs.” Jaal tested the water, he never really brought it up before as it seemed like a sensitive subject but if Jaal was to help ease the pain, he would have to know the wound. 

“It’s...dumb really.” Phthalo pulled away slightly, glancing to the side. “I was in an outdoors group in high school, we took field-trips to mountains once a month to hike trails and camp for a week. It was pretty awesome actually, I loved being outdoors and it was a week away from my hectic family life some times, I really enjoyed spending the time with my club mates as well.”

“In my sophomore year the club took a big trip up to the Himalayan mountains, we all had to get trained in mountain climbing and sign so many forms but everyone was so excited including me.” Phthalo crossed his arms over his chest to hug himself “I was young and dumb and had a crush on one of the boys in the club and I wasn’t paying attention, we got ahead of the group...one second I was being chased by this cute boy, the next I was falling.”

“It happened so _fast._ I didn’t even register what was going on until I hit something, it felt like my body was electrocuted. Turns out that feeling was the bones below my knees shattering into pieces, I had fallen into a crevasse hidden under snow and landed on a small shelf.” Phthalo look a half breath before continuing “fell a good thirty, fourty feet. Probably would have never been seen again if it wasn’t for that tiny shelf I feel on, honestly it was a miracle, like shooting an arrow at a target in the dark and hitting a perfect bullseye.”

“The rest of the group caught up pretty quickly and realized what happened to me, they yelled down to me to see if I was okay, with all the adrenaline in my system I didn’t realize how bad it was at first. The teacher and some of the younger students left to try and get help while the older students stayed with me so I wasn’t alone. Adrenaline wore off rather fast though and I knew something was seriously wrong with how bad I was hurting, plus all the blood soaking my snow suit wasn’t very reassuring.”

“I spent hours down there as still as possible because I was afraid if I moved one inch the shelf was going to give away and I would fall further. The only thing I could see was the small amount of light reflecting off the ice and snow, as the sun was starting to set and I was gradually settled In darkness I had to come to the realization I may die down there. I came to terms with it and said my goodbyes to mom, dad and Olive-“

Phthalo’s voice cracked when he said his sisters name, feeling the emotions and memories he tried so hard to suppress suddenly boiling back up, a dormant volcano reawakening. He cleared his throat and gently waved his hand as if it would swat away his feelings like some pesky bug.

“Anyway, I got lifted out and flown to the nearest hospital. I lost a lot of blood so I don’t remember much, think I might have passed out on the helicopter ride. I just remember waking up without legs. There was no way to really save them because the blood that was supposed to be going in them was instead forming my own personal swimming pool, so going such a long time without circulation the tissue started to die.”

“Mom and Olive had to move near the hospital for like over a year because I couldn’t leave until I healed up enough to be safe for travel. Dad stayed back in the states because of work, but would come to visit when he could. Once deemed healthy enough I was packed up and shipped back home where I then spent the next two years having several surgeries and a stupid amount of time in rehabilitation centers. I missed out on so much, I couldn’t go to prom and most of my high school friends became distant, I never learned to drive...”

Phthalo’s voice got quite as he thought about how much he couldn’t do back then and how it was the same now, emotions swirled around madly in his head as he felt on the verge of sobbing or screaming, hell maybe even both. But, Phthalo didnt. Instead he tightened his arms around himself and continued to stare down the dirt at his prosthetic feet, he sounded so pathetic in his ears. The memories replayed in his mind over an over, the fall, the impact, the _terror_ in not knowing if he would ever get out of there. It was almost like he was there in the crevice, cold nipping at his skin and soaking deep in his bones, Phthalo almost swore he could smell the blood mixed in with snow coating the inside of his nose. Phthalo closed his eyes to submit to the blizzard slowly consuming him, tears beading up and rolled down his cheeks, leaving a freezing trail of ice. 

Sold warmth wrapped around Phthalo instead of the freezing claws of the crevasse, the fresh smell of Havarl flowers replaced the iron of blood. Opening his eyes slightly Phthalo realized he was pressed into Jaal’s chest, having been so caught up in his memories that he hadn’t even noticed Jaal moved in to hug him, but he was thankful as it seemingly thawed him out. Phthalo leaned into the Angaran’s embrace and wrapped his arms around his waist, nuzzling his face into Jaal’s chest with a weak smile. 

“You are the strongest person I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.” Jaal’s voice was low, a deep rumble in Phthalo’s ears “over my entire live I’ve seen soldiers come back several injured or missing limbs, they all struggled and some never recovered. You’ve faced immense obstacles and challenges but, here you are, standing in front of me as strong as ever.”

“Yet I can’t even do something as simple as putting dishes away...” Phthalo snorted softly gripping Jaal’s shirt tightly.

Jaal pulled away, his hand moving to cup Phthalo’s chin and make him look Jaal in he eyes.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit. When this all first happened the most you could lift with your left arm was a pillow, you could barely walk a few feet without your leg buckling.” Jaal said sternly, his brows furrowing “now you can walk with no problem, lift things of five pounds or less, your slur is gone.”

Phthalo stared at Jaal, stunned and speechless. He had been so caught up in the anger and annoyance of what he couldn’t do that he didn’t see what he _could_ do. Shame bubbled up in throat at that realization. He had been snappy and rude because he was upset about making no progress only to ignore the evidence right in front of him. 

“Oh god, you’re right” Phthalo said, his voice high and breathy “How do you always know what to say? God I’ve been such an ass for no reason, I’m gonna have to write so many apology letters and gift baskets to like, everyone.” He buried his face in his hands, not knowing if he should laugh of cry.

“we can deal with that later, for now I something that might cheer you up.” Jaal hummed, his tone lightening. 

Phthalo lifts his face to see Jaal offering his hand for him to take with a large smile and glittering eyes, Ryder raised and eyebrow slightly but gently placed his hand within Jaal’s and allowed him to lead the way. Phthalo vaguely remembered the path they were walking on as they had taken it a few times in the past, it lead to a little clearing just before a large tree that reminded Phthalo’s of the weeping willows back home. The only problem was the area was pretty far away from the Hyperion and the sun was almost completely set by now. Phthalo opened his mouth to suggest heading back before they were stuck out in the dark, but didn’t have the chance before he spotted a small candle in a jar on the side of the trail gently illuminating the area around it. One candle turned into two, then three, soon enough there was candles lighting up the entire path before them. 

“Jaal? What’s going on?” Phthalo asked, a little confused. 

“You’ll see, we haven’t even gotten to the best part yet.” Jaal chuckles, looking over at the human. 

Phthalo nodded and continued to let Jaal lead the way, trying to figure out what the other was planning. Soon enough they came to the end of the trail and stood in front of where the entrance to the clearing currently blocked off by two sheer silky curtains tied up in tree branches. Phthalo raised his brows slightly and looked over at Jaal who was seemingly growing more anxious, noting the deepening color of the ridges in his crest as a tell-tale sign of Angaran blushing as he learned pretty early in their relationship. Jaal carefully extended his arm and moved the curtain out of the way and gestures for Phthalo to step through, his blush only deepened as Phthalo chuckled and followed Jaal’s instructions. 

What was on the other side immediately stole the breath from within Phthalo’s lungs. The large willow tree was filled with twinkling lights that looked like dancing fireflies, hidden underneath the long flowing flower filled leaves was a large quilt with more candles surrounding it. All the small things suddenly made since, Jaal dressed up and being such a gentleman, how gorgeous his skin looked and how delicious he smelled, it was all to impress. At an utter loss for words Phthalo simply stood stunned, gawking at how beautiful the scene was in front of him. Jaal came to stand next to Phthalo, seeming a little sheepish as he also stared at the tree. 

“It isn’t much, but I thought you deserved a nice evening after how hard you’ve been working.” Jaal’s tender voice was accompanied by an uncertain smile. 

That finally snapped Phthalo out of his trance and he quickly whipped his head around to stare dumbfounded at his himbo boyfriend. 

“Are you kidding?! This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, I don’t know how I’m ever going to repay you...” Phthalo laughed, throwing his hands up. 

“You defeated the Kett, stabilized Havarl along with many other planets and brought peace between multiple races. This was a small attempt at me trying to repay _you._ ” Jaal smiles more, starting to lead the way down to the tree which Phthalo happily followed along. 

“Kinda sounds like a challenge to me, you know how much I love challenges taoshay~” Phthalo purred out, gaining a little bounce in his step as they neared the tree. 

Jaal gave a knowing smile and tilted his head slightly, admiring the way Phthalo’s hair flowed around his shoulders with each step or how the flickering lights danced off each strand and glittered like when the sun would shine down on fresh snow. Jaal was always fascinated with humans and their hair, some spots had a ton of hair while others only had “peach fuzz” as Phthalo called it, it was so strange but Jaal had grown to adore it emphatically. Sometimes when Phthalo couldn’t fall asleep before a huge mission Jaal would pull him away from pacing in the meeting room to their shared quarters, change into pajamas and cuddle on the bed while Jaal would brush and braid his hair over and over until he could lull Phthalo to sleep. 

He must have been caught staring as Phthalo grinned and scrunched up his nose, something Jaal also found he loved about humans, their thousands of facial expressions. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Ryder asked softly, stopping at the blanket at the trunk of the willow. 

“What is a penny?” Jaal questioned, helping Phthalo take a seat on the quilt. 

“Old world currency.” Phthalo sat carefully, tucking his legs underneath him and tried not to snag the intricate looking fabric of the blanket “it’s an idiom, I know how much you love those, basically I’m just asking what you are thinking about because you seemed lost in thought.”

Jaal hummed in acknowledgement, making sure Phthalo was comfortable sitting before he sat himself right next to his beloved. 

“I was thinking about you.” Jaal said simply, tipping his head forward and nuzzling into Phthalo’s cheek, peppering in kisses when he could. “Thinking about how when I look at you my heart wants to leap into my throat, how you are the most beautiful thing my eyes have laid on.”

Phthalo’s cheeks immediately filled with blush at Jaal’s words, turning slightly to catch his lips in an actual kiss, feeling the electricity buzzing under Jaal’s skin. Running his hand up to Jaal’s neck and ran the tips of his fingers over his piercings, between the ridges of his crest and down to the thick scar tissue from the chunk missing his mane. Jaal had said it was from a project of his, one of the first guns he had taken apart and put back together basically exploded. 

“You always have such a way with words. who would have guessed I only had to fly to a whole new galaxy to find the best boyfriend in the universe?” Phthalo whispers, taking another kiss. 

Jaal places his hands on Phthalo’s shoulders after a a bit and pulled away, glancing around quickly.

“Ah, I almost forgot-“ Jaal stood and went to the side of the tree, picking up a small container before returning to sit next to Phthalo once more. 

Jaal handed over the box which Phthalo took and placed it in his lap, his brows knitted together in confusion as he examined the box which was a small cooler with a latch on the front. Phthalo glances up at Jaal inquisitively before flicking open the latch and slowly opened the lid, peering down inside the cooler was a bowl with tan liquid and brown specks, carefully lifting the bowl out to examine it further only to be more confused.

“Jaal, is this-?”

“Ice cream, yes.” Jaal cut in, folding his hands in his lap only to fidget “they opened up a store and while talking with Olive she mentioned how much you loved this one flavor, so I bought it for you. Turns out it melts.” 

Phthalo watched as Jaal bashfully looked away, embarrassed his gift didn’t turn out like he hoped, his heart melting just like the ice cream had. Looking back down at the liquid he realized there was small balls of dough with chocolate chips floating, feeling his lungs tighten he tried to hold back waterworks.

“You got me cookie dough ice cream...” Phthalo let out a shaky breath, blinking away any tears that might have sprung up.

Jaal could see the distress in Phthalo’s demeanor and quickly tried to put a bandage over the wound. 

“I have upset you, I apologize.” Jaal reached out to cup Phthalo’s cheek but withdrew before he made contact, afraid he might hurt him further. “If I have bought the wrong flavor I can get you another, or maybe I have gotten the wrong dessert all together?”

“No you idiot!” Phthalo suddenly laughed, the widest smile spreading across his face “this is the best gift ever!! I’m just floored because I never knew I could love someone so much.”

The sudden change was jarring but relieving that he hadn’t hurt Phthalo’s feelings but there was a still a pang of guilt in Jaal’s chest. 

“But it’s melted, I’ve ruined it...” Jaal mumbled quietly, fidgeting with his hands. 

“Well lucky for you, just because it’s state of matter has changed, doesn’t mean it tastes any different.” Phthalo grins. 

Bringing the bowl up to his lips and tipping his head back to down it in a few gulps, savoring the slightly synthetic taste of milk and the soggy dough, it all reminded him of home back on earth. After quickly finishing off the treat he set the bowl back in the cooler and moved it off to the side before leaning forward to pull Jaal into a loving kiss, hugging his wide middle tightly. Jaal happily kissed back, tasting the ice cream still on Phthalo’s lips which was still terribly bland to him just like the rest of human food, but it made Phthalo happy which was all that mattered.

“I’m glad it was sufficient, but I still have one more thing for you.” Jaal spoke up after Ryder pulled away to catch him breath, watching him raise his eyebrows. 

“Another gift? Jaal how much effort did you put in this date? I haven’t even gotten you anything in return.” Phthalo tried to protest but allowed himself to be pulled to his feet by the Angaran.

“I’ve been planning this since we arrived on Meridian, I had to do a fair bit of research first.” He hummed softly. 

Jaal lifted his arm to pull up his Omni-Tool before pressing a few buttons, A soft gently melody started to play, seemingly being produced from the leafs themselves. Jaal moved to rest his hands on Phthalo’s hips and drew him in close, Phthalo in return placed his hands on Jaal’s shoulder and tucked his head under his chin with blush dusting all across his features. They both began to slowly sway with the music and the cool breeze that filled the space around them, the butterflies in Phthalo’s stomach dancing along with him as well. 

“Although I appreciate all of this, you still didn’t have to put all this effort into it just for me.” Phthalo mumbled, nuzzling his face in further to Jaal’s neck. 

“You are correct. I did not _have_ to put all this effort into our date, but I wanted to.” Jaal smiled, squeezing the human slightly. “You mean the world to me so I wanted to give you something special.”

“Well mission accomplished, I think I’m swooning.” Phthalo chuckles, leaning more into Jaal. 

They continued to sway for a few minutes, just enjoying each other’s presence and company, the whole world fading around them until It was just them and the music. Phthalo could have sworn this is what heaven felt like, wanting to stay in Jaal’s until the end of time itself seemed like the best heaven anyone could ask for. But all good things come to an end and Jaal slowly pulled away, looking the most anxious Phthalo had ever seen him. The blush in his mane now a dark purple-blue and the bioelectromagnetism he possessed charged the air, he tried to hide the fact he was so anxious but Jaal never did hide his feelings well. 

“T-There is actually _one_ more thing, but it’s more of a question.” Jaal stuttered ever so slightly, taking a thick swallow. 

“Well I may have an answer to said question, ask away.” Phthalo smirked, amused with his boyfriend’s demeanor. 

Jaal took one of Phthalo’s hand’s in his own and gripped it tightly, taking a deep inhale through his nose.

“As I have said before, I’ve found myself more in love with you than anyone else in my life. You, and only you own my heart, and every time I lay my eyes upon you that very same heart threatens to burst.” Jaal looked away for only but a second to collect himself but those eyes returned to Phthalo’s with a burning passion deep inside. “I can’t imagine spending a lifetime without you by my side, and I don’t want to. I have already introduced you to my family and they all love you which would normally be enough, but humans have different customs than Angara in proclaiming true love...”

Phthalo stared at his boyfriends with wide eyes, replaying words over and over in his mind as the butterflies in his stomach flapped around frantically. Jaal slipped his free hand inside his pocket and pulled out a small Icey blue ring with a few small cut gems set inside that sparkles when light hit them. Seeing the ring, Phthalo felt his heart rate absolutely sky rocket and his face burn with the copious amounts of blood that filled his cheek and ears. 

“Taoshay, Phthalo Ryder, the Human Pathfinder, savior of the Moshae, Harval, the whole galaxy and all of the residents in it...will you do me the honor of becoming my husband?”Jaal asked tensely, offering the ring. 

Phthalo felt his brain short circuit, only being able to stare almost trance-like at Jaal, he couldn’t believe this was happening as never in all his life did he expect to get a boyfriend, let alone engaged. He must have been silent for longer than he intended as Jaal’s face turned into one of disappointment, going to retract his hand from Phthalo’s and open his mouth to speak. 

“Yes!” Phthalo said before Jaal had the chance, gripping the other so he couldn’t pull away “oh my god yes!!”

Phthalo practically yelled, his voice a bit shrill which reminded him of when Jaal first asked him to be his boyfriend. This time when the tears sprung up Phthalo did nothing to stop them, instead he surged forward and tackled Jaal down to the blanket below them with a heavy thud, wrapping his arms around Jaal’s neck and crashed their lips together in a passionate kiss. The electricity building up inside of Jaal over the anticipation of asking Phthalo to marry him finally released when they made contact, arcing between their skin, especially when their lips collected. The electricity caused Phthalo’s dazzling white hair stand up on end, this happened quite often actually and it was just another thing Jaal loved about human hair. 

Jaal snakes a hand up to try and smooth the hair down but only ended up making it stand up more, Phthalo shifted to sit up and straddle Jaal’s hips and gaze lovingly down at the other. Jaal took the opportunity to take Phthalo’s left hand and slip the ring onto his ring finger, he had found it so amusing that humans had named one of their digits after the item that signified love and companionship. Phthalo quickly lifted up his hand to examine the ring with his heart in his throat, it was absolutely breathtaking and felt to fancy to even be on his hand. 

“What is it made of?” Phthalo asked while trying to wipe away the still flowing stream of tears. 

“A rare form of hardened quartz only found deep within Voeld, it is often mistaken for ice as it blends in to near perfection.” Jaal squeezes Phthalo’s waist slightly “it matches your eyes so I had to get it, there is also diamonds imbedded within as most engagement rings featured them in my research.”

“How on earth did you even get your hands on something like this? It looks terribly expensive.” Although worried about its origins, Phthalo knew it was never going to come off his finger if he could help it, it might as well be fused to him now. 

“I asked Vetra for assistance, she was more than willing to help” Jaal smiled but then glanced to the side “and on a totally unrelated note, I have to do her paperwork for two months.” 

Phthalo broke out into a laughing fit, turning so they were both laying on their sides and facing each other to cuddle up. Jaal bumped their foreheads together as Phthalo extended his hand to look at the ring in the slight once more, a look of content spreading across his features. 

“Mmm wait until your mother finds out, she’s gonna flip.” Phthalo hummed, now moving to rest his hand on Jaal’s cheek, electricity buzzing beneath his palm. 

“I do not believe my mother can do acrobatics, but I think she will be overjoyed, yes.” Jaal grinned, teasing ever so slightly. 

“I love you.” Phthalo simply shook his head and closed his eyes, already planning on who he is going to show his ring off too. 

————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you ask, I will be making a fic about their wedding, don’t worry *kisses head*
> 
> I initially intended to add a bit of smut after this chapter but chickened our last minute. STILL MIGHT, but it’s up in the air at the moment.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to make all the medical stuff as accurate as possible! If you find something inaccurate please let me know so I can fix it <3
> 
> Spacing got a little weird while transferring, my apologies. 
> 
> Kudos and Comments are always appreciated UwU


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